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Shaantera
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Shaantera's Corner (P)
« on: January 19, 2008, 10:56:08 PM »

Ok guys Im open to anything Just Fire away when ready

I wrote this one at the age of 10 date: 03/13/1998


“Pain”

Is strong then fades;
It’s long, bright and dark;
It rips through you like the bit of a shark;
It strikes you like a lighting bolt;
Such a shock, such a jolt, it rocks your system;
Till you can’t stand, you react from heart to hand;
The thought of pain can breed fear, the sound so loud;
It breaks the ear and clouds your mind;
Disables thought and takes complete control of your being;
It blocks you from seeing……….
THE KILLER OF CHOICE FOR EVERYTHING!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And I wrote this one at the age of 18 Date: 09/25/2006

How do you heal a broken Heart?

I can't believe what I just heard
Could it be true
Are you the guy I thought I knew
The one who promised me his love
Where did it go
Does anybody ever know

How do you heal a broken heart?
That feels like it will never beat this much again
I just can't let go

How do you heal a broken heart?
That feels like it will never love this much again
Tonight I'll hold what could be right
Tomorrow I'll pretend to let you go

And were you ever what you seemed
Or was I a fool who fell in love
With her own dream
And now you say you want to leave
Start a new life today
Those words I thought you'd never say

Tonight I'll hold what could be right
Tomorrow I'll pretend to
Wake and put it all behind me
And find that I have finally found

A new life
In my soul
And find that I know how to let you go


This is all I can find right now
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Hero Aiyami
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Re: Shaantera's Corner (P)
« Reply #1 on: January 19, 2008, 10:58:06 PM »

Ok hun I'll go poem by poem;

1st "Pain":
The rhyme scheme of this piece is basic, but could use a little more clearence as to where the rhymes happen. I personally would make it more Haiku oriented. That itself would put an inpact on to how its read. The choice of words are very well inspired though. A thumbs up.

on to the other piece

2nd "How do you heal a broken Heart?":
This one I can tell the difference in writting; through the progression of time between the pieces.
As well that this piece was emotionally inspired, the flow is much better. This piece tells a story about the turmoil you encountered. It is well done.

All in all, your work has improved within a eight year time span.
And I bet I patched up that broken heart of yours. Love you alot.

Hero Aiyami
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Shaantera
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Re: Shaantera's Corner (P)
« Reply #2 on: January 20, 2008, 09:58:34 AM »

Thanks Hero
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Re: Shaantera's Corner (P)
« Reply #3 on: January 20, 2008, 07:57:29 PM »

well done... they are beautiful pieces
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Shaantera
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Re: Shaantera's Corner (P)
« Reply #4 on: January 22, 2008, 12:20:47 AM »

Thanks girl
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Re: Shaantera's Corner (P)
« Reply #5 on: January 22, 2008, 12:39:10 AM »

They are beautiful. The difference between maturity of the first and the second one is very noticable. The ability to write longer stories / poems is evident as well. Very well done. I love them both ^^
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Shaantera
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Re: Shaantera's Corner (P)
« Reply #6 on: January 29, 2008, 08:36:36 PM »

Thanks Feral
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Chanallee
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Re: Shaantera's Corner (P)
« Reply #7 on: January 29, 2008, 08:39:27 PM »

your welcome
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You Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover; So Don't Judge People Before You Get To Know Them; Especially Michael Jackson and P!nk!- Me March of 2005
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Re: Shaantera's Corner (P)
« Reply #8 on: January 31, 2008, 02:51:27 AM »

you're welcome darling  Smiley
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